Dear Sir/Madam

Firstly, may I take this opportunity to say how much I value your company, and the service it provides. I have recently returned from three years abroad where I would often astound my fellow ex-patriots by telling them that the thing I missed most about England was the Tesco Metro (and of course the pubs).

It is for this reason that I was sad to see a young man in your London Street, Reading branch, happily loading tins of soup and baked beans into his rucksack, before gaily strolling out onto the street without paying. I am ashamed to say I did nothing to stop him, but to be frank, he was larger, and rather more rugged-looking than me. I would like to think that should something similar occur in the future, I would remonstrate with him, though one never really knows what one will do in a situation, until it occurs. The reason I write to you is that I really feel you should employ a man (or perhaps a large and imposing lady) to guard your shop, and to create some sort of deterrent against this type of behaviour, since I am sure it cannot be in Tesco’s interests to have people sauntering in to the shop, filling their bags willy-nilly and wandering back out again without paying. I must also mention here that I in no way hold the staff on duty responsible for what happened. This particular branch can be incredibly busy, especially during the weekday lunchtime rush, and the attendants were doing their very best to serve the long queue of hungry workers (and with a smile too!), so they can hardly be blamed for not noticing the selfish, (and might I add, criminal) actions of the young ruffian in question.

The second point I would like to make may seem rather frivolous after the first, but to me it is no less frustrating. I have become addicted to your caramelised onion hummus, into which I like to dip your wholemeal pitta breads. It is a quite delicious snack (and healthy too!), and if you have not yet tried it, I assure you, you are missing out on a treat. I do, however, have an issue with the packaging. Having purchased countless tubs of the product in question, I can confidently confirm that the lids you provide do not fit the vessel that contains the hummus. I do not know what devilish method you employ to fix it all together in the first place, before placing it invitingly on the shelves, but I assure you that once a lid has been pulled off, there is absolutely no way on earth it can be placed back on. This causes me indescribable anguish every day, since there is nothing more irritating for me than shoddy manufacturing. After all, how difficult can it be?! Things came to a head yesterday afternoon when, after two whole minutes of trying to somehow trick the lid into nestling onto the tub, I am ashamed to admit I completely lost my temper. Your caramelised onion hummus is indeed a sensory delight when combined with pitta breads (or carrots), but let me assure you it is rather less delightful when it is splattered all over one’s cupboards and trousers.

In summary then, I suggest you hire a security guard in your Reading branch, and to cover the cost of his (or her) wages, you should consider dismissing the hairbrained lunatic responsible for designing tubs.

Yours sincerely,

Jacob Hughes