I am disgusted, sir, by your website. I was truly shocked to discover the existence of an entire grumbling community. This is just typical of today’s internet society.

Belonging, as I do, to a more aged demographic, the internet does make me
uncomfortable – witchcraft has always given me the collywobbles. But I am mature enough to put this unease aside. I am aware of a thousand beneficial uses for the net. My grandson follows the antics of Spongebob Squarepants. My daughter emails me. I do not take issue with the World Wide Web. No, sir, I take issue with you, and the use to which you put it.

I will try to control myself, but sir, I am livid. It is honestly offensive that you think the general public – and I must assume you include me in your presumptions – desires to partake in the wanton airing of acerbic grievances. I must protest. I don’t do that. No one I know does that. I cannot think of any time in my past when I have seen the need to verbally, or in writing, complain. I think you have misjudged your public.

And worse! I was perusing the pages of your site, recoiling at the spirited mutterings of your clients, when I came across the monthly competition. This, sir, takes the biscuit. Not only do you provide a place for the publishing of complaints, you actually encourage the practice with a cash prize! Am I mistaken? This is abhorrent. A certain sign of the end times.

I remain, sir, disgusted.