Dear Neighbour
It was good to meet you and your dog once again this morning. I’m sorry the circumstances were such that we couldn’t have a proper chat, but I’m afraid that being in a situation where I was restraining my three agitated and angry dogs whilst trying to ward off your dog with my foot as he tried to hump them indiscriminately wasn’t really conducive to chit-chat.
Unfortunately we have had similar encounters several times since you moved here, and as my dogs are a neutered male and two spayed females who don’t appreciate your dog’s relentless advances things can get a little lively when we meet, so I thought perhaps a letter might help to break the ice as it were.
I appreciate that your dog ran nearly a quarter of a mile and jumped two fences to get to mine, so it was going to take you a while to get there to retrieve him. However in future you might want to consider whether spending 15 minutes standing two fields away angrily screaming his name is the best use of your time? It hasn’t worked on any previous occasion and didn’t work this morning, so could I respectfully suggest that next time you cut out that part of the process and come and get your dog straight away?
Anyway, I was sure as hell pleased to see you after 25 minutes of my dogs being humped, barged and jumped on. OK, it was a shame that having finally managed to catch your dog and get hold of his collar you only let us go a few yards before you released him so he immediately came after us and the whole performance started again, but hey, that’s dogs for you – whoever in the world could have predicted he would do that?
We did talk a little last time about how you could stop your dog continuously running off and bothering other dogs, and I’ll accept that you have indeed tried ‘everything’ – except training apparently; or rewards, as he ‘should’ do what you tell him without them. Dogs are clever animals, but I’d never before realised that they had a sense of ethics and obligation to do the right thing, I certainly learned a few things from our conversation. To think of all that time I’ve wasted with clickers and treats!
On that subject, I’m still not entirely sure how smacking him when you do finally manage to get hold of him will make him easier to catch next time? Perhaps you could talk me through that one at some point?
We also briefly discussed that neutering might help curb his desire to streak off into the distance and hump anything that moves, but you mentioned that you were considering using him at stud in due course as he a Pedigree Labrador with Papers; and he’s Chocolate – that’s important apparently.
Now I can’t claim to know a lot about Labradors, but if the standard for the breed specifies a potato-shaped body and short, stumpy legs your boy is certainly a fine example and I can see why you wouldn’t want his genes to be lost to future generations. And he has Papers. I have to break it to you though – so does my newsagent but that doesn’t make me want to have his babies.
You told me that you’d thought about an electric shock collar to tackle his tendency to run off, but were concerned about the cost. I’m sure the fact you didn’t also mention any concerns about the effect of administering electric shocks on your dog’s physical and psychological wellbeing was merely an oversight, but I thought I’d slip it in here just in case it’s an aspect of these collars you may not have considered?
Anyway, having come home and pondered your problem of your dog running off, I hope you are as pleased as I am that I have managed to come up with a tried and tested 100% effective solution that requires no time, input or effort from you and costs only a few pounds.
There is a handy little gadget that savvy dog owners have been using for many years to address your sort of problem. It’s very simple – a long strip of rope or leather with a loop at one end you can use as a handle, and a clever little clip at the other end that attaches to your dog’s collar (you might have seen that metal ring on his collar and wondered what it was for?). This brilliant device is called a lead – L.E.A.D. You attach it to your dog, hold the handle and hey presto, you have control of your dog and he can no longer run away! Most good pet shops sell them – in fact I probably have a spare I can lend you to try, just let me know.
You can thank me next time we meet. Or better still, if we don’t meet again that will be thanks enough.
