Dear Santa,

I am writing to express my deep dissatisfaction at the service I received over the Christmas period 2010.

Upon visiting the “Santa’s Grotto” in the local shopping centre I was accosted by two elves who suggested (rather inappropriately) that I may like to ‘sit on Santa’s knee’. When I declined this they immediately jumped to the conclusion that I was ‘slow’, something that I vehemently object to. (Indeed, I am in the top five of the school year for drawing, painting and colouring-in). Upon entering the grotto I came face to face with your good self. You asked me what I would like for Christmas. The following is a list of the items I specified for delivery on Christmas morning:

One Nintendo Wii
An IPhone
An LED, HD 26” Flat screen TV
A Dr Who 11th Doctor Sonic Screwdriver
A mountain bike
One pair of football boots (Adidas)
A chocolate selection box
A laptop computer
Toy Story 3

Once assured by you that I would certainly receive these things on Christmas Morning (under the proviso that I was a ‘good boy’, which is an objective term if ever I heard one) I left the Grotto feeling relaxed for the first time in days.

Therefore imagine my disgust and distress when I awoke on Christmas morning and rushed to the dining room, picturing the long awaited for and vital items I had requested sitting beneath the Christmas tree, only to find the following items there instead:

A Beano annual
Five pairs of socks
A Tweenies video
A personal CD player
A knitted jumper
A pair of school shoes
A bag of Liquorice Allsorts
A bottle of Action Man bubble bath

There appears to have been some sort of mix-up in the ordering of the items I requested. Perhaps they have gone astray (fallen over the side of the sleigh? Not the most effective means of transporting thousands of presents in a single night) or perhaps the elves, in their hurry to get the orders out, made a mistake? To prevent such a mistake being made in the future may I suggest the following preventative measures?

1. You could employ more staff. I am sure there are many elves on Gap years / Christmas holidays that are looking for seasonal work.
2. Use of alternative methods of transportation. Surely a train with a number of goods carriages would be a more efficient way of distributing the presents.

However, I am not going to hold this error against (although it has happened in previous years). In December 2011 I will once again be requesting a large amount of goods to be delivered to underneath my Christmas tree on Christmas morning; I hope this time the service will be more acceptable.

Yours truly,

Matthew Johnson (Age 9)