Dear Herbal Essences,

I feel I must write to complain about your new shampoo and conditioner bottles. While the new design is fresh, new and original in essence (ha, ha) the questions and answers on the back of the bottle continue to frustrate me. I shall take the opportunity to remind you that not everywhere can you get a shampoo in exactly the same variety as the conditioner. I forever find myself forever faced with questions such as: “what do one third of women admit to throwing at their partner during a breakup?” which have answers like: “63%”. Evidently you have to buy the full set before this makes any sense. However, upon returning to the store to satisfy the curiosity that is destined to keep me awake at night, I find the bottle’s counterpart is not in stock!

I cannot begin to explain how much this phenomenon has upset me since the new bottles were introduced, and I beg that you please find some solution to it. Perhaps a “peel back the label for the answer” option would be appropriate. I understand that this little activity is designed to sell more bottles, but surely peeling back the label would help with this as well. People fortunate enough to buy from a store selling both the shampoo and conditioner would not have the opportunity to cheat, and would be forced to buy the bottle to reveal the answer to the question. Because who wants to be seen picking the labels off bottles they aren’t going to buy?

I ask that you consider my suggestion, as these continued questions with no answers and (even worse) answers with no questions are driving me insane. If this continues for much longer, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

Yours Sincerely,

A horrified hair-washer.