Dear Camelot,

I feel it’s time I wrote to you concerning your national lottery because I’ve been doing it for many years and all I’ve ever won was a paltry ten quid,why is this the case when you have paid out millions of pounds to other people ?

I go to Mr Patel’s newsagents twice a week to purchase my lottery tickets and he keeps taking the mickey out of me by saying ” Still not a millionaire I see, and I thought you’d be living on a yacht in the Med by now ? ”

Well I’ve had enough now because you’ve fed me enough empty promises, telling me I have to be in it to win it, and could it be me, when obviously you know it isn’t going to be me, your well out of order !

So I’ve been to see a solicitor to see if I can take you to court over this, but his fees are a bit expensive to say the least, so I will have to have another go on your lottery this week because it’s a massive ten million quid rollover,

So here’s the deal then Camelot,if you want to stay out of court the best thing you can do is make sure my six numbers come up ok ?
The numbers are as follows, 5 7 16 23 31 34 .

I will go to Mr Patels on Saturday morning to put this “winning” ticket on and his address is as follows:17,The Boulevard, Grape Street, XYZ,123.

And when I come to pick up my “winning ” ticket I want Pamela Anderson to present it to me, so I look forward to seeing you very soon. .

Yours Gratefully, Kevin.