Dear Sirs,

Re: Missing Sausage

I wish to complain in the strongest possible terms with regard to a tin of Heinz Baked Beans with Pork Sausages which I purchased on 25th May 2010.

I have long been an ardent fan of the above-mentioned canned meal and am particularly fond of the pork sausage element of it – as I am confident is already apparent to yourselves – after all, if this were not the case, I would almost certainly purchase plain Heinz Beans containing no pork sausages. Therefore, I am similarly assured that you can imagine my disappointment – nay, horror – when upon opening the said tin, I discovered that this particular can of Heinz beans contained only SEVEN sausages.

Whilst I am fully aware that in the descriptive title i.e. “Heinz Beanz: Baked Beans with Pork Sausages in a rich tomato sauce” no specific reference is made to the actual number of sausages contained within the tin, it is also undeniably the case that in every other instance when I have purchased and consumed said snack, the large tin has invariably contained EIGHT sausages. Therefore, I would argue that there is a tacit – if not explicit – understanding between manufacturer and consumer that the large tin will always contain eight sausages, whilst the smaller will contain four. With this in view, I strongly feel that the loss of this sausage constitutes no less than a breach of promise upon your part.

I understand that during the current economic climate, times are tough, and that cutbacks need to be made. However, I would strongly urge you to reconsider the removal of a sausage from this meal purely for the sake of saving a few pennies. This path can only lead to the loss of loyal customers, such as myself, and is, I can assure you, the wrong path to pursue.

With all of the above in view, and taking into account the long-standing nature of my custom, I feel it is incumbent upon yourselves to make good the loss of the sausage which I have so distressingly suffered in this instance. The missing item may be forwarded to myself at the above address.

Yours faithfully,

(NB: This complaint is based on actual events and I can only hint at the sense of betrayal I felt when I realised one of my mechanically reclaimed goodies was missing. On balance though, I couldn’t be bothered to actually complain. You may have guessed, but this one’s a bit tongue in cheek!)