There are not many things in this world that really get my goat. I am after all still relatively young and burden free. But on the (not so rare) occasion that I have had a fair amount to drink, I tend to stumble down to Tesco’s in my pyjamas. Very “Big Lebowski” I hear you say, but when you have a headache the size of a rhinoceros and a hangover worse than that fateful first time you tasted schnapps you really couldn’t care less.
So, on February 15th I staggered down to the local Tesco’s clad in striped pj’s and trainers with the questionable addition of sunglasses only to find myself being turned away within 10 minutes of entering?! Apparently there had been a recent ban of pyjamas in that certain branch of the company, a small piece of information I had not been informed on. “But why?” I asked, furious. “How trivial can one organisation get? Next you’ll be telling me there’s a strict black tie policy or that everyone has to give a urine sample upon entering!” Security was not amused. Something about indecency or not appropriate apparel…”But I only wanted to buy a pot noodle and some coffee to nurse this god-forsaken hangover!” The reply I received? “I’m sorry madam but I’m going to have to ask you to leave, please feel free to return when you are dressed more appropriately. Thank you”.
Not that I went quietly of course, oh no. I skipped my way down isle three all the way to the exit, turned right around and stuck my middle finger up to the manager and graciously shouted “See you fuckers in hell!” Naturally this was a result of my still slightly intoxicated state but never the less it felt good to “stick it to the man”. Unfortunately I was forced to eat stale porridge oats for breakfast. So here is my complaint to Tesco’s, you abysmal excuse for a supermarket, I expect a hand written letter of apology for my inconvenience and my pot noodle. Once again, society has failed me. Yours sincerely, disgruntled shopper.