Mr Dearest The Japanese Canteen,
Long time fan, first time emailer.
I wish I could have breached this contact void between us on a happier note, and please do not misunderstand me, there have been numerous occasions wherein I have thought to turn my vociferous exclamations of oral delectation into written words to convey the joy I feel at a particularly scrumptious Katsu Curry. Most unfortunately however, this time, and hopefully only this time we must prepare to lock horns.
You may have gleaned from the previous paragraph, in fact I do not doubt that in your hubris you may have already concluded the thrust of this email by combining the subject and non-spurious mention of your famous Chicken Katsu Curry (Chicken K Curry) that this correspondence does indeed relate to my crushed and wretched dissatisfaction with as request for “Extra Sauce on Top (Extra S on Top)”.
I provide some background.
Thursday May 27th: Our esteemed company moves from Wood Street to the ‘Gherkin (otherwise known as the cucumber, or zuccini. I do not discriminate). My C Katsu Curry needs with extra sauce were able satisfied by the delectable kitchens in that vicinity. Bravo
Friday May 28th: An immediate scouting party report indicated that a Japanese Canteen (Japanese Cant) was situation almost immediate behind the building. (Note: I understand of course that this building leaves a circular footprint upon this good earth and hence there is no true, ‘in front” or “behind”. Please allow for this creative necessity). A C K Curry was ordered, of course with Ex Sa. One had no need to question the addition of this request, having been so humbly impressed by previous locations. One was unfortunately, crushingly disappointed.
Tuesday June 1st: A second mission was dispatched to the Ja Ca ‘behind’ the building. Once again, the Ex Sce request was seemingly ignored or frustration had built in the staff upon noticing the sheen of excitement build upon my furrowed brow. Maybe the bar has been set too high. Maybe the bar is set too high.
Tuesday June 8th: A third venture was funded and could this be the disastrous end to our budding relationship? Picture the scene if you would, an innocent doe eyed Mr Patel stands amidst a crowded canteen. His heart fluttering at the prospect of this being the time, this curry being the one. He nervously approaches the polite staff, wipes his damp hands upon his rumpled jeans and utters “chicken katsu curry with extra sauce on top”. In his panic, his blind and fettered goal driven vision he forgets his manners. Is it too late, would this now be socially awkward. He fumbles a recovery and mumbles a please, hoping that the curry gods will forgive this erroneous and rare slip. Alas no. The spirit has been crushed. The sauce, whilst delicious was not extra. The chicken whilst crunchy was not swimming. My extra £1, earned through hard labour now lines the pocket of a curry imp who cackles at my unhappiness.
I fear I cannot go on, the pit of despair draws me down and I must close my eyes and meditate on this loss to my continued existence. I have attached a photo of the cause of my despondency. If this is what extra sauce is now defined as, for shame. For shame.
Mssrs Senhor Parit Patel Esq III