Dear Employer,

Why are you opening at 7am on Boxing Day? Has it not occurred to you that your staff might have better things to do? That they might have families? Friends? Some sort of life?!

Of course it is not entirely your fault; the bulk of the blame must rest with the customers, who apparently do not have any of the above since they have the time on a day when every right-minded person is with their loved ones (or at the very least watching some festive TV) to wander along to and pick up a garment which is marked down by a massive 5%. The shop will still be there tomorrow! What the hell is wrong with you?!

But just because some customers have nothing better to do with their lives is no reason to pander to this weakness. Do you give an alcoholic vodka? No; you pity them and then leave them queuing outside in the cold, waiting to exchange a jumper for an identical one of a colour that better matches their eyes. By opening on boxing Day you are enabling shopaholics. You are contributing to their, no doubt already out of control, credit card debt. They will be forced to take out steeper and steeper loans which they cannot afford and so they will end up on benefit, which the country cannot afford. And so are also contributing to the global financial crisis and the eventual downfall of Western civilisation.

Also I wanted to see my parents at Christmas and now I can’t, and I object to not seeing my mother and father on Christmas day just so some chav can save 50p on a pair of legging that would be more flattering on a hippo.

Yours contemptibly,