Dear McVities Chocolate Digestive,
Much as I appreciate your continued support through times thick and thin, I fear it may be time I begin searching for a replacement culinary comfort blanket.
For years now, I have craved no other lover – perhaps in a stereotypical manner, whenever I’m feeling low, I reach for the teapot.
And nothing helps this grand British tradition more than a selection of biscuits to pass those first few minutes, to settle the steam curling from the cup, to avoid that awful burning of the lips that occur should you be too hasty. However, sadly I feel our – once beautiful – relationship may be coming to a close, for so long I managed to resist temptation. Yes, occasionally Hobnobs caught my eye, once in a while I may have lingered by the Bourbons and even – I admit it – the Jaffa cakes. But never did I give in to this appeal…until now.
I’ve had it with sticky fingers! I’m done with crumbling bases and the additives that mean you can never just stop at one. But all these irritants I could have dealt with were it not for the ruination if my final, precious mouthfuls of tea.
So for now, I bid you farewell old friend – we had a good roll.
And who knows, after my foray into the previously forbidden world of confectionary, I may return. Until then, adieu.

(Please note, this embargo begins tomorrow morning. As the shops are shut now and you’re all I have left.)